Feeling present and sexually confident can take some practice. We can’t possibly be our most confident, sexy selves all the time. We’re tense and busy humans, so when we spend the most of our day totally disconnected from our bodies, it can be pretty tricky to be sexually connected and present at the drop of a hat (or bra strap). Often when we feel disconnected, our sexual confidence can be impacted - whether it’s concerns with body image, communication, shame or stress, every experience is totally normal.
It can be useful to look at how we can approach confidence outside of sex to bring that awareness back into the body, so that you can feel like your sexy, confident self more often. Dance, for example, is a powerful tool to enhance your sexual confidence, whilst having fun - the many benefits are proof; from regulating emotion, de-stressing after a long day, allowing for self-expression, building body confidence and experiencing pleasure. It’s such a beautiful way to connect with yourself and those around you, to get out of your mind and into your body, a chance to de-stress and unwind. And of course, it’s sexy.
Let’s two-step into some of those benefits.
Dance. It’s good for you.
Like any movement that gets your heart racing and blood pumping, dance is good for you, both physically and mentally. Releasing those feel-good endorphins sets up a pleasurable experience to not only connect with our bodies and get out of our minds, but to literally feel happier. Sometimes we really need an escape from what our minds are focused on - incorporating movement and changing up your routine can be the best way to achieve that.
Stress impacts our every experience - it can make you feel numb, distant, overwhelmed and can absolutely impact our sexual ability and confidence. Sometimes it can make it feel impossible to be in your body and can often remove that feeling of presence. How stress impacts our mood and emotional health can also have a rolling impact on our desire and how we feel towards sex - it’s important to remember that these are very normal responses and concerns.
With a carefully curated playlist, practicing dance, however that may look for you, is a fun and sexy way to get out of your mind. Getting hot and sweaty will release those everyday stresses to make your body and mind happier, whilst feeling sexy. Bonus.
Plus, it’s fun to laugh at yourself. Move your body in a way it feels good for you, and experience the pleasure of letting go and see how that can set the mood.
Dance is foreplay. Moving your body, by yourself or with your partner(s) is a great way to heat things up and set the mood. Use dance as a way to be playful through touch, eye contact and movement. Whether you’re dancing solo and focusing on self regulation or dancing with a partner and exploring co-regulation, try to take the goal out of how it looks, and come back to how it feels - a great premise to apply to sex as well.
Music is your best-friend here and can set the tone. Whether it’s hip shaking, pelvis thrusting, a shoulder shimmy or the tango, dance will build arousal in the body, that's for sure.
Awareness in the body.
Get to know you. Bringing awareness to the body is a foundation for a great sex life. Learning how your body moves and responds to stimulus, what feels good and what doesn’t, and learning what your body is capable of. Dance is such a great way to re-engage with movement, a fun way to learn or remember how you feel in your body and what feels good, by yourself or with your partner(s).
Take time to feel the space around you and register your surroundings. Use breath work and mindfulness, touch, movement and sensitivity to check in with how you feel. Practice slowing down, push the couch out the way and seduce yourself.
Homework: Make a sexy dance playlist. Rearrange the living room furniture. Book yourself into a dance class. Try dance cardio.